The Hike to Nowhere

Brad, Poops, and me hiked today.  Not to anywhere in particular, we just hiked because today, above all else, was a comedy of errors:

1. We went south on the Appalachian Trail instead of north, hiking approximately 0.4 miles away from where we were supposed to start our journey.  Men (cough, Brad) and their (cough, his) innate sense of direction...what a crock full of...

Bahahahahaha!

 2. Poop.  And speaking of poop, I pooed in the woods this afternoon, which is essentially a rite of passage for all hikers.  You see, I've avoided pooing in the woods until now because I was afraid of snakes.  I'm still afraid of snakes, but I had to get over that fear or risk pooping my pants, so I crunched my way through layers of leaves to a tree far off the trail to pop a squat on top of a 6-8" hole.  It was kind of awkward.  The rock that my hand was resting on was a little pointy.  And despite Brad's reassurances, I was still scared a snake would bite me in the butt.

My special spot.  If you look really hard, you can see my poop tree.

3. It's a good thing I pooped because the rattlesnake that we saw a mile or so down the trail would have legit scared the shit out of me.  All of a sudden, we're walking along, enjoying the scenery when I see Brad yank the Poops (haha, there it is again) back towards me.  I calmly said to Brad, "Babe, what's the problem?" I figured it was another bear, but boy was I wrong.  Then, I saw the rattle.  Then, I heard the rattle.  Then, Brad threw rocks in the snake's general vicinity to get it to move out of the way.  Mr. Snake didn't want to move, though.  So, we ended up marching our happy (and overly cautious) asses in the opposite direction, back to the trailhead.  Back towards society and into the storm.

Found this pic on Google.  This is what we saw.  I nudged Brad forward to get a pic, but Mr. Snake wasn't having that.  Mr. Snake wasn't ready for his close up. 

4.  As a matter of fact, we were on a ridge line near a telephone pole--yes, a telephone pole--when a severe thunderstorm hit the park.  I documented the experience for you all via video.  But the videos won't work.  Seems kind of fitting, doesn't it?  I'll get my tech guy on it tomorrow.  Speaking of my tech guy, he and I only got a little wet during the storm...

I shall end this post with a picture of Poops trying to hide from the rain, as you probably assumed, his efforts were futile.  But his face was priceless and slightly pathetic. What a special guy.